


The Ways We Say It

by Jairephix



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: F/M, mentions of the other IPRE members, rating because language?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-22 01:44:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13753626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jairephix/pseuds/Jairephix
Summary: The words themselves are so hard to say, but there are many ways to show it.





	The Ways We Say It

He wasn’t conventionally attractive, but when had that ever been something Lup cared about? Sure, Taako was shallower than a summer puddle, but she didn’t care about how you looked, so long as you were a decent person. Their lives had so little of that barest hint of decency that someone like this human meant a lot to her.

Barry was kind, in the strangest ways. He paid attention to the tiny details, not the big obvious ones. He was the first to not question which twin she was, but made an off-hand comment about the new color of nail polish she was trying that week. They had met twice before: once during a large group briefing, before they had narrowed down the candidates to the absolute best the Institute had to offer, and once during that much smaller meeting with just the seven of them.

But he remembered the different colors of her nail polish. He mentioned her habit of picking at the paint. Granted, Barry couldn’t look her in the face the whole time, and until he got started talking about his thesis, he could barely string a sentence together without stumbling over his words.

The first all-nighter on the Starblaster, the night they watched their plane get swallowed whole by polychromatic black, he slid her a cup of coffee. She wrapped her hands around the mug, letting the heat seep into her suddenly-freezing hands. Taako was staring out the giant window, oddly silent and pressed against her side. Neither of them would trance tonight, anyway. Without thinking, Lup sipped her coffee, until the dregs in the mug were icy cold, and trying to take another drink would be regretted. It wasn’t until the next exhaustion-fueled morning, that she would realize that it was made exactly the way she liked it.

Cycles passed by, year after year. They learned. They grew. The fear became a fight, and the worlds they visited were so full of life that it hurt each time they failed, over and over. Taako withdrew, unwilling to try to make connections that would last. Instead, he did what he did best when the world was stolen from under their feet, just like when they were children: he learned the recipes. It was his way of keeping them alive when none of them knew what the Hunger truly was.

This cycle was hard. Just a few months previous, they had watched a beautiful beachside get swallowed whole, like so many planes of existence before. And now, after getting Taako to finally relax for once, he was gone. A stupid death, but one nonetheless. She wasn’t coping well. Her constant, her ground, was gone again. Lup honestly couldn’t remember when she last tranced, the meditative state escaping her still. She felt worn to the bone, nothing more than flesh barely hanging on.

Quiet footsteps behind her made her ears twitch. After so many cycles, she had memorized everyone’s movements. Light steps were Davenport’s. Lucretia’s were a different sort of light, with just enough weight behind them to sound different from a gnome’s. Merle’s was more shuffle-y, as if he wasn’t quite picking his feet up with every step. Taako’s matched her own, neat and barely noticeable. Magnus thundered unintentionally, compared to everyone else, just due to his size. Barry’s were...painfully normal, if she was to be honest. Out of everyone aboard the ship, she couldn’t quite pin him down. For as much as the crew spent time with each other nearly constantly, she barely knew him still.

Lup looked over her shoulder, from her gaze out the giant glass window overlooking the world below. Barry froze, two mugs in his hands. A long moment passed between them before he stepped forward, offering her one of the mugs.

“I know it’s not much, but it’s...It’s Taako’s...it’s his secret hot chocolate stash. The...the good shit you two like. I. Uh. I saw how he made it once, and I probably messed up the portions and stuff, but…”

“Hey, Barry, thanks.” She tried to sound more chipper, but couldn’t get her face to match. Too tired to really bother. Even just talking felt horribly draining, like she could pass out at any moment. Lup wondered if something like that crossed her face, as the science officer moved around the side of the couch to sit next to her. They sat in absolute silence, only the occasional noise of sipping breaking it.

The hot chocolate was nothing like Taako’s. Too much vanilla, the cinnamon was barely there, and against all odds, the cardamom was so thick she almost choked. The bottom of the mug moved in a sludgy way that worried her. It was so wrong, and it oddly made her feel better. “Bar, I don’t know how to tell you this, but holy shit, stay away from anything that isn’t microwaved or coffee, my dude.”

In the beat between the two of them, she panicked. Was that too harsh on such a quiet member of their team? And then he sighed, setting aside his mug. “Yeah, it’s kind of shitty. I’m not an amazing chef like you two are. If this was dead, I’m not sure necromancy could even revive it.”

She burst out laughing, too loud and hysterical for a simple comment. But he gave her a nervous smile, hope lighting up his eyes. “If I knew it would only take failing horribly in the kitchen to make you laugh, I’d have done in well before now.” It set off a new round of giggles, and Lup had to hurriedly put down her mug before she spilled it everywhere.

It took an embarrassingly long time for her to settle down, and when she did, Lup leaned on him, too tired to notice how he tensed suddenly, or the sudden flood of warmth radiating off of him. “Thanks, Barry,” she murmured, before finally slipping into her meditation.

(If anyone noticed the next morning that Barry Bluejeans had fallen asleep fully dressed, sitting upright on the couch, they didn’t say a thing. If they noticed that Lup was smiling for the first time since Taako’s death on the planet below, or that she had cooked them their first real meal this cycle, they didn’t say anything. And definitely no one said anything about how much of a coincidence it was that those both happened on the same morning.)

Any cycle they lost Taako, Lup no longer waited it out alone, in silence. She sought out the one person who could cheer her up, without fail. She’d just ask for a kitchen miracle from him, and Barry would provide it in whatever way he could, without hesitation, without any reserve. He jumped to, doing anything to bring a smile to her lips again.

Cycles passed, and she learned more of the seemingly normal man. Barry was a jack of all trades, and want-to-be-master of necromancy. His grasp of biology, mathematics, and magical theory left them talking until the early hours every day for far too long. In those rare cycles they lost Barry, Lup would seek her solace in reading through his lab notes, writing her own notes and commentary in the borders of pages.

Of the many odd talents Barry seemed to have, Lup never expected “composer” to be one of them.

They were at the Legato Observatory, and able to also perform something for the mysterious creatures in the cave. She knew a bit of violin (from when they were pretending to be bards, many years ago now), and Barry offered to help teach her more. He even offered to write a piece for her.

“Aren’t you going to do your own thing?” Lup blinked, looking up from the carefully tuned instrument in her lap.

“I can’t perform on my own. I...I’m not good enough, Lup. I-I know some piano, but I just. I get such bad stagefright, knowing all those people are staring at me, and…”

“How ‘bout this, Bluejeans. I’ll let you write me a song, and I’ll crush it...but you gotta perform with me, how’s that?”

The human flushed a bright red, a sign that she had come to know as ‘I like what you’re saying, but my shyness prevents me from saying yes at first’. He panicked, shoving glasses further up his nose, babbling. “Lup, you’re...I mean, I’ll just be in the background for you. After all, I’m...me, and you’re...gods, you’re Lup. You’re like someone decided to make a-a-a perfectly sculpted statue into a person, but you’re not an object, shit that was the worst analogy I could have given, because, I mean, you’re not an object, that’s demeaning. You’re scary strong and amazing and beautiful, and...fuck.”

She laughed, ignoring the twisting heat in her gut at his praises, as awkward as they were. _He’s not flirting, you thirsty elven disaster,_ she scolded herself. _He’s being nice. He’s a coworker. Sure, you can’t have more than maybe a fling, and sure you haven’t actually gotten down and dirty with anyone because maybe you do have the same problem about attachments that Taako does, but it doesn’t mean that Barry is flirting with you._

“Hey, jeez, chill, Barold.” She leaned back, feeling the blankets poof up around her as she dropped down to lay flat on his bed. “How about this. You write this piece, help me practice, whatever. You don’t gotta perform on stage with everyone else, but if you do...just be you, okay?”

“Just...me?”

“Yeah. Goofy, kitchen-disaster on two legs, necromantic nerd boy you.” Lup rolled her head, grinning. He still had that blush. He actually was...kind of adorable like that?

“I. Yeah. I can...I can do that.”

Lup smiled widely, feeling that same twisting heat writhing now. Of all things, she felt a blush creep over her cheeks as they turned the topic towards what kind of music she’d be interested in playing. He moved to get a notebook, and kept the same respectful distance to her as before, being careful to note down everything she said. He respected her personal space, only moving closer when she told him it was okay and encouraged it. He was kind, he paid attention, he was respectful, he was smart, and he was funny in the times you expected it least.

In the months leading up to the performance, Lup learned two very important things.

One, Barry was a very skilled musician as well, claiming it was a hobby he hadn’t had time to invest in since well before they had been at the Institute.

Two?

She had a crush on him, and she had it bad.

If one thing could be said about the twins, it was that they were masters of stubborn denial. Emotions were awkward and unhelpful at times, despite their matching tempers. During their days of practice, Lup refused to allow herself to let her emotion boil over and spoil her lessons. So what if he was there, guiding her fingers to the right positions, adjusting the lift of her elbow with gentle, warm touches? So what if she caught herself at one point wondering if kissing him would be as stumbling as his words, or if it would be as warm and reassuring as his guidance?

She bore down on those thoughts, shoving them into a corner of her brain to deal with late at night, in the vision-like scenarios her trances gave her. At least there she could explore the thought without embarrassment, no matter how breathless she caught herself each day after as she said good morning to him as he stumbled around, too groggy to realize he’d forgotten his glasses again.

But now, the day itself was upon them, and it was time. Lup took a deep breath, feeling both invulnerable and fragile in her fancy dress. It had taken the combined efforts of her and Taako to tame her hair into something that wasn’t just a ponytail, get all her make up done just so, and get her into this ensemble in time. Even now, with her bow and violin in hand, she worried. What if stage fright kicked in for her up there? Every fear about crowds set in, making her feel ill. Maybe this was a bad idea, what if she could bow out now? If she kicked off her heels, she might make it back to the Starblaster before they could realize she wasn’t--

“You...Lup, you look...is it corny if I say resplendent?” The elf turned, soaking in the sight. There was their denim-wearing scientist, in a sharp three-piece suit, and not a scrap of blue to see. “Because...you...you always look amazing, but...you’re just…”

“You’re not wearing JEANS.” It was the first thing she could get out that wouldn’t be stammering. Barry paused, then burst out laughing, relaxing them both.

“Yeah, I couldn’t just show up in what I wear to the lab. It’s supposed to be like presenting our thesis, right? You gotta dress nice for that.”

She couldn’t say more, because their names were called. All too soon, the music itself was done, and her hand found his.

Tonight, she no longer had to hold off months of telling him about her thoughts, her emotions. Tonight, she risked a lot: their friendship, the balance of the crew, her heart.

Of course, in typical fashion, she went to go talk to him, and instead kissed him the moment they were alone, unable to get the words out when actions worked so well. And Barry? Barry stole the moment from her, and made her realize he had been saying it all along, in every little thoughtful action since they first met. It was just good to finally hear the words to match it.

“I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I 100% blame the TAZ Writers discord for this. This came about because of an art prompt, and the matching artwork. An hour and a half later....


End file.
